Two guys are sitting in a pub.
One says to the other, “Every time I see you in here you walk out with a different girl. What’s your secret?”
The first guy replies, “It’s really easy. As soon as I walk into the pub, I casually toss my Rolls Royce keys onto the bar, and the gals practically throw themselves at me.”
The second says “Wow, you’ve got a Rolls Royce?”
The first guy replies, “No, I’m just as poor as you. I bought this Rolls Royce key fob on Amazon for $10, and the ladies are none the wiser.”
So the other guy goes on Amazon and buys the exact same key fob. He then goes to various pubs across London, with no luck whatsoever. A few weeks later, he runs into the guy again. And h tells him “Your key fob trick is bogus, I went to at least 20 pubs, no lady looked at me twice, please take this bad luck charm off my hands.”
The first guy says , “Maybe it would work better if you took off your bicycle helmet first”
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A veterinarian surgeon had a hell of a day,
But when he got home from tending to all the sick animals his wife was waiting with a long cool drink and a romantic candle-lit dinner, after which they had a few more drinks and went happily to bed.
At about 2:00 in the morning, the phone rang.
“Is this the vet ?” asked an elderly lady’s voice.
“Yes, it is”, replied the vet,
“Is this an emergency ?”
“Well, sort of”, said the elderly lady,
“there’s a whole bunch of cats on the roof outside making a terrible noise m@ting and I can’t get to sleep. What can I do about it ?”
There was a sharp intake of breath from the vet, who then patiently replied:
“Open the window and tell them they’re wanted on the phone…”
“Really?” said the elderly lady,
“Will, that will that stop them?”
“Should do,” said the vet,
“- IT SURELY STOPPED ME………!”
