I was standing in the checkout line at Walmart with a big bag of dog food when the woman behind me smiled and asked,
“So… do you have a dog?”
Now, the obvious answer was “Yes.”
But for some reason, I decided to have a little fun.
I smiled and said,
“Nope. I’m starting the dog food diet again.”
Her eyebrows shot up.
I continued,
“I probably shouldn’t have gone back to it. The last time I tried it, I ended up in the hospital.”
Now everyone in line had stopped unloading their groceries and was secretly listening.
Trying not to laugh, I explained,
“The diet is actually pretty simple. You keep a handful of kibble in your pockets and eat a few pieces whenever you get hungry.”
The woman looked completely horrified.
“Wait… did the dog food make you sick?”
I shook my head.
“Oh, not at all.”
“I was doing great…”
“…until I stepped off the curb to sniff a poodle’s butt…”
“…and got hit by a car.”
For a second, the entire checkout line went completely silent.
Then the guy standing behind her laughed so hard he nearly dropped his groceries.
I paid for my dog food…
And walked out wondering if I’d just ruined someone else’s diet forever.
