We expect our families to support us at our most vulnerable times, but Brenna’s world was shattered when she realized her sister had named her newborn boy after her ex-husband. And that was only the beginning. Brenna reached out to us, overwhelmed with hurt and ʙᴇᴛʀᴀʏᴀʟ, asking for assistance on how to deal with the emotional whirlwind her family had created.
This is Brenna’s letter:
I divo:rced my husband, Soren, last year after he ᴄʜᴇᴀᴛᴇᴅ. I swore I would never see his face again. Yesterday, my sister told me she named her son Soren. I shouted, “You need to change it! I’ll be reminded of my ex whenever I hear it!” She was silent.
The last straw came when I saw my ex at the gathering my sister threw to celebrate the birth of my nephew. Soren was there, along with his new fiancée, the woman he ᴄʜᴇᴀᴛᴇᴅ on me with.
My sister approached me and said, “Don’t be mad, but we asked him to be the godfather.”
I was furious and immediately left the party.
I know my family loved Soren when we were together, and he had helped them financially back then, but I expected them to take my side after the divorce, not honor him and his new fiancée.
What should I do?
Brenna
Thank you for sharing your story, Brenna! Here are four recommendations to assist you get through this predicament.
Set boundaries with your sister.
Your sister’s decision to name her son Soren and include your ex in the family celebration demonstrates a disregard for your emotions. Have an honest chat with her about how these decisions are hurting you, and make it clear what boundaries you require going ahead.
Distance yourself from family gatherings involving your ex.
If your family continues to include Soren, even naming him godfather, you may want to limit your participation in activities where he and his fiancée will be present.
Protect your peace by only attending meetings where you feel at ease. Politely decline invitations involving him, explaining to your family that being around Soren is too upsetting for you right now.
Have a private talk with your family about loyalty.
You pointed out that your family still values Soren since he has helped them financially in the past, but it is critical that they understand the emotional toll this is having on you. Sit down with crucial family members—your sister, parents, or anyone else close to you—and communicate how ʙᴇᴛʀᴀʏᴇᴅ you feel by their decision to honor Soren despite his infidelity.
Help them understand how their actions are harming you, and ask them to reconsider their commitment to him, especially since he is the one who caused the 𝕕𝕚𝕧𝕠𝕣𝕔𝕖.
Consider therapy or counseling to navigate family dynamics.
Dealing with a family that still includes an ex who has badly damaged you is emotionally draining. Seeking therapy or counseling will help you process your emotions and figure out how to deal with this difficult situation.
A counselor can help you live with the sorrow, handle future contacts with your family and ex, and provide advice on mending ties with family members who may not completely grasp the consequences of their actions.
